What are the consequences of getting a divorce

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The consequences of a divorce are highly painful and can affect every area of your personal life: personal, familiar, economical, social, etc. ¿Is this the end? ¿Or a new beginning? ¿How is the divorce affecting you? [Related topics: divorce mediation attorneys near me]

Any divorce can be hard and painful for both of the couples members.

It doesn’t matter who ask for it or the reason why. Even for the person that files for it, even if they’ve been a victim of physical or emotional violence, it’s a process that can leave deep scars.

But when the marriage was good and stable, its even more difficult because the good memories are overshadow the bad ones and because the reaction of family and friends is of disbelief, and thus they can be unsupportive.

A divorce affects every area in a person’s life: personal, emotional, parental, economical, familiar and social as well as work and practical aspects of the daily life.

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On a personal level a divorce can affect our self esteem. The individual, weather is a men or a woman often feels rejected or a failure. They feel guilty for not being able to establish a better relationship or for not avoiding the divorce. Feeling like this makes them perceive themselves as bad, dumb, incompetent, which can severely damage their self esteem.

Usually the ex partner and other people blame them too and sometimes try to give them advice about what they should have done, which reinforces their low self esteem. Part of our self image is the roll we have played through years, and with a divorce we stop being a married couple, and we lost that identity of a “united family”, etc.

If this roles were important for us and we feel identified with them, when we lose them, we feel that we lost a part of our personality. Furthermore, when the fear, anguish, anger, and depression are a constant in our daily life, our thoughts  become negative, extremists, rigid, depressive, etc. This kind of thoughts make us see our present and future, through a glass that darkens and distorts everything around us.

On a emotional level, every person who gets a divorce goes through very intense and mixed feelings. One single emotion can last days or weeks or can change constantly in a single day. This situation is usual in the people that make the decision of getting divorce, weather it is for domestic violence, infidelity or a new love interest.

Nevertheless, when the divorce is a result of a long crisis and conflicts but the person doesn’t want a divorce, emotions are more intense and stressful. Between the range of frequent emotions we can find:

Sadness or depression for the relationship that just ended and the different losses that this involves: dreams, expectations, identity, friends, etc.

• Anger with oneself and towards your partner, blaming them for the break up and the damage done to the family,

• Guilt

• Desires of revenge

• Relief

• Confusion

• Ambivalence

• Fear and preoccupation towards the future,

• Insecurity towards the possibility of rebuilding a new life

• Feelings of failure, for not avoiding the problems or “saving” the marriage.

• Remorse, specially for the pain caused to other people (sons, fathers, etc,)

All this feelings are normal and their intensity and length depend on the characteristics of each person and every situation.

In a parental level, both cases (mother or father) can feel that when the children are around them, they have to cover both roles which can generate more stress and tension. They have to take responsibility for decisions and aspects of the discipline of the children, that can be new and difficult to do.

A divorce, usually generates important economical changes. Each one of the members of the couple is gonna have their own expenses in the house, food, etc., but also they have to cover the expenses of the children.

If one of the spouses doesn’t generate income, they’re going to depend on the income of the husband and possibly a salary that has to learn how to administer. If the working partner doesn’t make enough to cover their expenses or if their salary is insufficient, the other spouse will have to learn to abstain of some things even necessary ones.

When one spouse takes care of all the children’s expenses and it gives child support the other spouse, the expenses rise in a considerably way and in most cases they don’t have enough income to live with commodity.

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